You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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