I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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