false alarm. still invincible.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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