**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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