You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was like giving head to a cactus.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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