Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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