First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
