Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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