this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize