Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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