Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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