i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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