Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
