bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
