I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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