so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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