Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize