Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
