Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Non-Jews are for practice
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
