Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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