I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
