So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
