Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
