As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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