"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
