Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
