MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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