Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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