Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
