just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We need a shit load of segways right now
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
