I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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