my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
