he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
