No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
