As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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