My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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