I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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