I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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