The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
