I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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