i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
