the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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