So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast