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Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Randomize
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