Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.