so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.