My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?