I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
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At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.