I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.