how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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