All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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