So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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