I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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