Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i've created a new STD.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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