Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
