sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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