Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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