You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
