I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
