if you like me you must not know who I am
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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