i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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