Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
