i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
