Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
