okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
